I know I'm not the only person facing the inevitable fact that I will have to retire at some date or just work until I reach my grave. I am such a creature of habit..rising for work around 3:30 am., going through the three S's....either you know what I am talking about, or I'll just leave it to your imagination what they are. Remember, I just said a creature of habit, I always set the alarm clock, then double check it to make sure I did it right and that the music station is locked in, clear and not too loud, so not to wake the wife at those wee hours in the morning. I then wash down a handful of vitamins and try to appease my cat Sadie.
I'll take this time to introduce you to Sadie the cat. She is going on 17 yrs, old and has suddenly turned into a lap cat. She has been a terror her whole life until the last couple of years. She needed no one, wanted no one to bother her, touch her or even enter her airspace. We have several grandchildren and all have been bitten at onetime or another. "Don't bother Sadie, she'll bite you." Next thing you know, a child comes in the room crying, holding a hand or an arm..."Sadie bite me !" For some reason it always is my fault. Well, she has mellowed and the children, older and wiser have found new ways to pester her and are even able to pet her. SOMETIMES, she has a relapse and spirals back into her old habits, but generally life is good. Enough about the cat.
If I'm lucky, I can get up, sneak out of the bedroom without waking the wife and even more importantly, without waking Maggie. Maggie is our Lab who thinks she is human and demands equal time with the cat. If she is sound asleep, I can get out of the room without having to take her outside. She is a chow hound and looks as if she never missed a meal and even picked up a couple extra along the way. They need fresh water, separate bowls and there are special instructions for each. The dogs one way and the cats another. I actually have to put ice in the cats bowl. Maggie gets a milk bone and often Sadie gets a wet food treat. We bitch allot about all this, but we created it. Believe me, they never forget anything or miss a trick.
I grab a bananas and out the door I go. My wife buys bananas and I try to consume them before they get overripe and spotted. The bananas holds me over until I can get my first diet Dr. Pepper.. yes sir, no coffee, no caffeine for me...RIGHT. It is critical that I stay alert, because after all what I do is as important as rocket science...I sell chips..not computer chips, POTATO CHIPS. I guess in some really perverted sense my job is essential. All good tailgate parties depend on me. I TAKE MY JOB SERIOUSLY. Work day done, take it to the house. BORING...
Well, I follow the same routine back at home with the animals, except this time I have to walk the dog. She really prefers I call her Maggie instead of the dog, but since she isn't here now, she'll not know. I must tell you at this point that it is important to carry little plastic bags with you as you walk to pick up the deposits of the earlier meals. It's nice how I have managed to keep this fairly clean, not R rated. I'm not sure why I worry, because I'm pretty sure no children read this and just damn lucky if an adult does. Same ole routine, day in and day out. WELL, time for bed, first coax Maggie outside to do her business and prevent possible accidents in the house and lock Sadie out of the bedroom because, just because...we can't handle her walking on our heads and bitch meowing all night. Got to get the beauty rest so I can do it all again in the morning. BORING!!!
You know, now that I look back at what I have just written, I need to retire and get a real life. Oh well,I need to make a trip to the store and grab a newspaper and read the obituaries. Later........
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